It’s the first trail of the new year! I mean the first trash of the new year! I mean the first trash by ME of the new year! Call it what you want: hash trash, on-sec, trail scribe, or any other ink-stained wretch epithet, this is my duty and it’s about time I attempted fulfilling it. Now let’s dust off the older Underwood and crank out some bullshit!
Hares Mass Ascension and Just Brian convened trail at Boxing Bear just west of the Rio on Corrales Road, but not quite in Corrales yet. This start had everything! Sizeable pack with plural virgins, parking lot beers, kickass weather, E-Whore covering hash cash AND beer (poor sucker), and general bon vivance. It was only missing one thing: the actual hares! They were busy completing the trail at B and driving back to the start. At last they arrived, were blessed by new RA TACO laid chalk talk and split again.
Noticeably lacking from chalk talk: falses, back checks, whichy-ways, turkey-eagle splits or any other trail diversions that might occupy r@cist FRBs and compress the pack a little bit. But who needs all that fancy shit when you’ve got: acequias! Yes the little brother of the arroyo, delineating land along the river in Los Ranchos and Corrales, and providing a dusty LINEAR path to hash upon.
Loosed from the start, hounds were faced with an immediate choice: take the west side of the acequia or the east? What if it meant extra distance, climbing a berm, or literally any other consequence? Turns out there were none of the latter, as the first check reunited the pack at the roadside.
Finding NO falses, Gerkin quickly navigated from the Corrales Lateral to the Upper Corrales Riverside Drain. Then we went straight! Straight on straight on straight. It was possible to see the pack strung out over half a mile, guided by flour laid on horseflop. Brother I mean linear. Straight like a taut piece of piano wire, straight like the Boondock Saints fanclub, straight like Mormon’s father’s boss’s pubes, straight like that long LIGO tube in Louisiana. What I’m trying to say is the flour never diverged or turned or curved or suggested the remotest deviation from travelling along the straight & narrow path. There were adequate opportunities to stray into shiggy, hash along other PARTS of the acequia or fly straight up in the air or dig underground. But in this case, and a dozen more, trail went straight.
And then it turned. After some “scenic” (?) views, where the hares said there were some llamas earlier. Just geese for the pack. But we finally took a left over the bridge and down the road, passing a Little Free Library. Found a book for the hares: Fat, Pretty, and Soon to Be Old by Kimberly Dark. It took the FRBs a while to solve the next check, as a fire truck had parked directly over it. No doubt all our milling about really expedited their dead-branch cutting w/o hitting the power lines operation.
Then, a miracle! Just across the road (with drivers unhappy to see real live pedestrians) was the beer check. Only 2.6 miles in! The DFLs were able to catch up in less time than expected, and all were happy to have some libations for vigorous thirsts. True trail was eventually found leading west to our new favorite drainage control structure: another acequia! This twisty ditch led the pack rather swiftly to the on in at Casa Vieja. G be praised!
CIRCLEThis was now a rare sight for an ABQH3, the organizing and execution of car-backs! The FRBs did their best not to hog the beer the hares left behind. In this case, the remaining coolers were in the truck of Just Matt, who was still on trail, whose truck was still at the start. This was eventually sorted out so PBR, fancy beers, NA beers, and Smirnoff seltzer was available for all.
Circle began w/the adulation/flagellation of the hares, and then Oxford Coma bequeathed the Huya to Tip of the Assberg. Gerkin & I Did A Foreskin drank for being FRB and FBI, fairly certain Half Pipe was DFL. Accusations began w/ much recognizing of twin-ness. Just Zinkon and Just Nathan drank for being extruded at the same time from the Mellow Brewer Guy factory, each sporting similar body style, overshirt, hat selection, beard growth, and sunglass sporting. They did not admit the colors of their Jeeps…yet. Tex-Mexers wearing their matching shirts were up next. The hares drank for their uh, minimalist, chalk talk. TACO also debuted (or re-buted?) the song Thank You for Being a Hare for them, definitely worth a learn. The hares and E-Whore drank again for running out of beer during circle (hares don’t forget to buy your own BC beer, you owe more than just flour on trail!) which wasn’t so bad b/c the sun was going down and it was starting to get cold anyway.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
CLiT is at Craftroom on Tuesday
Next Saturday’s trail is in Santa Fe, everybody on the Rail Runner!
Grope Jelly will be getting her wisdom teeth out on Thursday and could use a co-hare.
Green dress run will be downtown in…March?
Need a hare in two weeks. Straight trails unacceptable!
THIS WEEK IN HASHTORY:
1989 – Free Willy identified as Patient Zero for herpes in Bernalillo County
1969 – Neil Armstrong first to lay trail on the moon, Buzz Aldrin has a hard time finding the flour
1948 – Founding of Lombok H3 in IndonesiaOn on, me droogies.-W’s V